Five Times Shinya Got Guren a Present
by LinariteLavanya
Summary: A gift is something given voluntarily to another person without payment in return. A gift is given to show favor toward someone, express gratitude, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance.
1. Chapter 1: The First Gift

**Five Times Shinya Got Guren a Present (and One Time Guren Got a Gift for Shinya)  
**

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 _A/N: Welcome to my latest ficlet! Like the last 5+1 ficlet I wrote, this one is also an Owari no Seraph/Seraph of the End fic focused on Shinya (specifically Shinya and Guren, because I am GureShin trash. ;D).  
_

 _This fic, so far, is turning out to be harder for me to write, but I'm enjoying the process nonetheless. That being said, if this one isn't as gripping/heart-wrenching as the previous ficlet, I'm sorry. I wanted to do a 5+1 with Guren & Shinya that wasn't as cripplingly angst-y as the last one, so this happened. It's also possible that Guren (or even Shinya) might come across as slightly out of character at various points, but that could just be me. XD _

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**最初の贈り物** **/The First Gift  
**

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The first time Shinya gives Guren a gift, they're both sixteen and trying to keep themselves sane during the hell that their freshman year of high school is becoming. It's only been a few weeks, but already things have gone to hell in a hand-basket.

Guren still doesn't trust Shinya, not really. He's still mistrustful of Shinya's overtures of friendship, still paranoid that Shinya is just trying to catch him saying or doing something treasonous, still suspicious about Shinya's true loyalties.

And trust is such a foreign concept to Shinya in general (something his horrific childhood is entirely to blame for) that he can't quite make that leap himself. He's been conditioned too well by the harsh trials of his youth, and can't seem to find it in himself to trust anyone to not stab him in the back the second he's not looking.

But still, they're getting there. In minuscule increments, bit by bit, they're getting there. Shinya sits next to Guren in class, even when Guren slants him irritated looks the second he opens his mouth. Guren grudgingly allows Shinya to tag along on some of his excursions, and though he knows Guren will never say so, he seems to be grateful for the company.

Even if neither of them trust each other, it's probably the closest either of them have ever come to having an actual friendship with another person in a very long time. (In Shinya's case, it actually _is_ the closest he's ever come to anything even remotely resembling friendship; he doesn't count the children he'd tried to befriend during the candidacy trials of his younger years, because they were 1) all very dead now and 2) most of them dead by his hand.)

In any case, Shinya is grateful for whatever it is they have between them.

And while his social skills aren't particularly top-notch (almost all his smiles are fake, after all, and half of what comes out of his mouth when talking to his peers is him lying through his teeth because he doesn't trust anyone not to hurt him with any truth he might tell), he understands enough about people and friendships to know that getting Guren a gift to show his appreciation might not be such a bad idea.

He might also feel the tiniest bit guilty for his earlier attitude of hostility towards Guren when the latter hadn't fought back against Seishirō's assault on not just Guren but also Guren's loyal retainer Sayuri. He hadn't understood Guren's reasons for acting so submissive to Shinya's supreme asshole of an adoptive brother (honestly he still can't quite wrap his mind around it), but Guren had later proven himself to be considerably more powerful than he'd led the rest of them to believe.

Guren was strong, and loyal. Perhaps _too_ loyal, but who was Shinya to judge? It wasn't like he had any firsthand experience with loyalty; his own parents had all but sold him to the Hīragi family, and things had only gone downhill from there.

The question now, though, became what should he give to Guren? He had to be careful, because he had no idea how Guren might react to a gift of any kind, particularly a gift from Shinya, who he held in such suspicion.

 _Something small, then_ , Shinya decides. _Something that won't make either us overly uncomfortable_.

He settles on a can of soda. It's easy enough for him to get one from one of the many vending machines at school, and it's a casual enough gift that Guren won't respond with too much mistrust.

So Shinya buys the soda, intending to give it to Guren when the other teen arrives at school.

That doesn't end up happening as planned. Instead, he's waylaid by Seishirō, who seems to have made it his mission of the day to hassle and belittle Shinya to the point of homicide.

Shinya doesn't ever respond the way Seishirō wants, though; his adoptive brother wants him to get angry, say something stupid, do something to land himself in trouble but all Shinya ever does is smile and nod and pretend to be obedient. He's used to these sorts of tricks and games by now; they're all he's known since being adopted into the Hīragi family, and truth be told they're just a slightly less bloody version of the survival games he'd dealt with as a child.

Eventually, his ass of a brother decides to abandon his little game of torment, leaving Shinya free to go on his way...but only after taking the soda Shinya was holding and sauntering away with a sneer and a parting comment of "Thanks for the drink, mongrel".

It's such a stupid, petty thing, and Shinya doesn't know why it upsets him so much, but it does. He has a fierce desire to run after his adoptive brother and push him down a flight of stairs, but manages to hold the urge in check...somehow.

Of course, his ire only grows once he realizes that thanks to Seishirō's antics, he's now over twenty minutes late to first period.

Seishirō, of course, won't be punished for his own tardiness, and technically Shinya could avoid a reprisal as well...but still, the principle of the thing is infuriating.

Doubly so, because the soda he was going to give to Guren has been taken as well.

Shinya stands there for a minute, fuming, and then turns on his heel and goes back to the vending machine. He pops in the last of his spare change, retrieves another soda, and finally makes his way to class.

He lets himself in, barely sparing the teacher a second glance, even as she stammers and sputters and tries to (as humbly and respectfully as possible, because he's a Hīragi in name if not by blood or choice) scold him for arriving so late to class.

He pastes a bright smile onto his face, projecting an image of nonchalance and amusement as he crosses the classroom and plops down in his seat. Eventually, the teacher takes the hint, drops her attempt to rebuke him, and returns to her lesson plan.

Shinya huffs out a short sigh, and leans back in his seat.

"...You're late," a familiar voice to his left says.

Shinya blinks in surprise, because since when does _Guren_ initiate a conversation with him? Stubborn, suspicious, never-cracks-a-smile Guren?

It actually takes Shinya a moment to come up with a response, he's so baffled by this new development. In the end, he does what he always does, though, and smiles and teases, hoping to deflect the attention. "Aww, Guren. Were you worried about me? How sweet!"

Guren reacts as Shinya expected, giving a fierce scowl that would have sent a lesser person running for cover. "Worried about _you_? Don't be stupid." He turns away slightly. "I was just making an observation," he grumbles.

Shinya just tilts his head to the side slightly and smirks. "Whatever you say, Guren," he replies, his voice sugary sweet. "Personally, I find your concern very touching."

"God, just shut up," Guren snaps, crossing his arms and staring very pointedly at the notebook on his desk. "You're so annoying."

Shinya's smile widens, and it's actually a little more genuine this time, because there's just something oddly endearing about Guren when he gets so defensive (Shinya has to admit to himself, as well, that pushing Guren's buttons and getting such reactions is becoming increasinly entertaining).

Shinya decides to not aggravate Guren any further for the moment, however, and instead reaches into his schoolbag and pulls out the can of soda.

"Here," he says, leaning over and setting it on the edge of Guren's desk. "That's for you."

That succeeds in making Guren look up from his notebook, purple gaze puzzled and wary. "...what?"

"Are you hard of hearing suddenly?" Shinya asks, arching an eyebrow. "I said, _that's for you._ "

Guren narrows his eyes, looking back and forth between Shinya and the soda. "Why?" he questions, and yeah, there's definitely a note of suspicion in his voice.

"Why not?" Shinya fires back, giving Guren a too-bright smile. "Can't I bring my classmate a treat?"

Guren's scowl deepens, the suspicion practically rolling off of him in waves.

"Relax," Shinya says now, rolling his eyes. "It's just a can of soda. And it's not like I poisoned it or anything."

Guren snorts. "Why doesn't that remark make me feel any better?" he asks dryly.

"Eh, who can say," Shinya replies, shrugging carelessly. "Personally, I think you're being silly. It really is just a can of soda. No ulterior motive, no catch."

"But...why?" Guren asks again.

Shinya frowns, starting to get tired of the questions and suspicion. "Maybe I just wanted to get rid of my spare change and didn't want to drink it myself," he says, his voice coming out perhaps just a little too testy to be casual. "If you really don't want it, I'll take it back and give it to Goshi or Mito." Not that either of them will be likely to accept it from him, either; they admire his Hīragi status, but he knows that he makes them more than a little uncomfortable, too. But even so, he reaches for the can, making a mental note to either throw it away if one of the others doesn't want it or (stealthily) drop it on Seishirō's foot the next time he sees him.

Guren surprises him again, though, and snatches the can out of reach before Shinya can do much more than lean over. "I never said I didn't want it," he snaps, slipping the can into his bag.

Shinya just stares at him for a moment, and then a true grin starts to form on his face.

"Shut up," Guren tells him again, an angry flush creeping across his cheeks.

"Aw, but I haven't even had a chance to say anything yet, Guren~"

"And we're all better off for it," Guren answers churlishly, but Shinya swears he can see just the barest hint of a smile on the other teen's lips.

Shinya gives a low laugh, and turns away from Guren, focusing on the teacher instead. He doesn't want to harass Guren too much, not when he'd accomplished what he'd wanted. He'd given Guren his gift, Guren had surprisingly accepted (albeit in his typical grouchy manner), and there had maybe even been, almost, a small smile.

Shinya figures he can consider it mission accomplished, so he gives a short little sigh of both satisfaction and relief, and finally opens his notebook to start taking notes on today's literature lesson.


	2. Chapter 2: The Second Gift

_A/N: Welcome back, my friends! I hope you're all doing well!_

 _I had a little more trouble writing this chapter for some reason, I'm not quite sure why. I think possibly because I was having some not-fic-related anxiety while writing the second half, but who knows. Anyway, I hope it turned out okay despite that. It is a bit heavier on the angst than the first one, but nothing too intense (it's nowhere near as bad as the angst in the panic attack ficlet, I promise). At the very least, it's longer than the first chapter. XD_

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 **第二の贈り物** **/The Second Gift**

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The second time Shinya gets a Guren a present, it's a few days after his fiancé had tried to strangle him to death.

Guren had saved his life.

Even though Shinya had faked passing out, there was no denying the severity of the attack; without Guren's intervention, it was entirely possible that Mahiru would have killed him, would have brought an end to the life he'd fought so brutally to keep.

Shinya still isn't sure how he feels about the incident overall. He and Mahiru had never been close, had only pretended to get along for the sake of their (mutually unwanted) engagement. Mahiru had made it abundantly clear from the get-go that she would never truly care for Shinya in any real capacity, but even so...

Even so, her _attempt to kill him_ had been a rather nasty shock.

He knew that it wasn't totally Mahiru's fault; there was a darkness inside of her that she couldn't always control, a darkness that made her behave erratically.

It hadn't been this bad before, though. Before Guren had come to their school, she hadn't been like this, hadn't been so obviously unhinged (although he couldn't help but wonder if maybe she _had_ always been this way, and had just been so skilled at hiding it that no one had ever noticed).

He doesn't know what to do about it. Doesn't know if there's even anything he _can_ do.

And even if he does figure out some way to help, he's certainly not of much use to anyone in his current injured state; even ignoring the damage to his neck and throat from Mahiru's attack (the pain was still considerable, even with the prescription painkillers he'd acquired, and even just breathing is agonizing, let alone talking), he was beat to hell from his other most recent battles (because his adoptive brothers were raging assholes who treated him just as terribly as they did everyone else).

All in all, he was hurting, and the pain and soreness was impacting his ability to function much more than he'll ever be willing to admit to anyone else.

With this in mind, he decides to skip school for a couple days following Mahiru's murder attempt, and locks himself in his room at the Hīragi manor instead. He doesn't let anyone come inside, not even Shinoa, the one adoptive family member whose company he actually enjoys. She's all of seven currently, and since she'd been just a baby when he'd been accepted into the Hīragi family, she's the only one who views him as a real sibling, unlike Kureto and Seishirō who have always treated him like a piece of trash pulled from the gutter.

But as much as he likes Shinoa, he doesn't have enough energy to spare to deal with her now. Not to mention all the questions she'll start to ask once she catches sight of the ugly bruises ringing his throat.

No, better just to keep to himself for a few days. It'll probably take at least two weeks for the bruises to truly fade, but if he times it right he can wait until the worst of them have improved at least a little bit before he returns to school. A couple healing talismans should speed the process up as well, and he makes a mental note to prepare some later.

In any case, he spends a significant chunk of the first two days either sleeping or fending off visits from his "concerned" family members.

On the third day, he's going stir-crazy from lack of activity, and as much as he hates having to deal with people sometimes, he hates being alone even more. He's never been good at being by himself; it gives the shadows of his past a chance to pounce on him and drag him down into despair.

He's also gotten extremely sick of hearing Kureto make sly comments about Shinya maybe not being an adequate addition to the Hīragi bloodline after all, if such a basic injury can lay him out.

So he goes back to school...but not before he retrieves an envelope from the desk in his bedroom. He's been thinking about it for the last couple days, and he thinks that giving the contents of the envelope to Guren might be a good way to show his gratitude for Guren saving his life.

He shows up late to school, since he refuses to ride in the family sedan with his two asshole brothers and Shinoa has some sort of doctor's appointment today and subsequently doesn't need him to walk with her to her elementary school, which is closer to the family manor than the special high school that's owned and operated by the Order of the Imperial Demons. In any case, since he won't ride in the car and doesn't have the excuse of walking Shinoa, he shows up late and gets a rather severe look from the teacher when he finally does walk into class.

He flashes her the brightest smile he can muster up, subtly adjusting the scarf around his neck to ensure that the cloth is covering the worst of the bruises. (Good thing the weather has been chilly the last few days, or he wouldn't have been able to justify wearing the scarf at all).

The teacher, previously easily flustered by Shinya's family status and unflappable attitude, now just gives him a look and gestures for him to take his seat. His name will keep him from being punished, but that doesn't mean she has to like him.

Ignoring the whispers and glances of his classmates, he quickly strides across the room and slides into his seat, determined to get through the day with as little fuss as humanly possible. Honestly, why was everyone reacting this way to begin with? It wasn't like they cared about him personally; why should his absence during the last two days matter to them at all?

"...Hey."

Shinya can't ignore the teen on his left, though (he doesn't think he'll ever be able to ignore Guren, not really). So he gives a short sigh and glances over with an eyebrow raised questioningly.

"You've been gone," Guren says, his brows drawn down in a faint frown.

"How observant of you," Shinya replies, rolling his eyes. Then he gives Guren a sweet smile. "Did you miss me, Guren?"

"Don't be stupid," Guren snaps, glaring at him. Then his gaze drops to the scarf wrapped around Shinya's neck. "...Are you alright?"

Shinya just stares at him for a moment, at a loss for words. He can't remember the last time someone asked him whether he was okay or not; he's pretty sure no one's bothered to ask for at least the last eleven years. "Of course," he says at last, struggling to force the words out in an easy-going tone of voice. "I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

Guren just scowls at him, like Shinya had said something idiotic. "What Mahiru did...you could have been killed," he mutters.

"I could have been," Shinya agrees, and that fact still makes his stomach churn. "But I wasn't," he adds on. "...Because of you."

Guren blinks, and then looks away. "...I didn't do anything important."

Shinya snorts. "I'm pretty sure you saved my life. That's important...to me, at least."

Guren just grumbles under his breath, not looking at Shinya

Shinya decides that now is as good a time as any to give Guren the envelope he'd brought with him today. He slips it out of his bookbag, holds it in his hands for a moment, and then holds it out to the left.

Guren eyes it like he's worried it might burst into flames. "What is that?" he asks warily.

"What does it look like?" Shinya answers lightly. "It's a letter. A love letter," he adds, turning his voice sing-song just to see Guren squirm.

Sure enough, Guren flushes bright red and leans as far away as possible. "I don't need a love letter from you," he hisses.

Shinya gives a short, but genuine, laugh. "Ah, but who said it's from me, hmm?"

Guren narrowed his eyes. "...what do you mean?"

"How to explain..." Shinya considers it for a moment. "Hmm. Well, to make a long story a bit shorter: once a upon a time, my _kind and generous_ family," he sinks enough sarcasm and venom into his words to bring down a raging bull elephant, "began to doubt the sincerity of my engagement to Mahiru." He notices the way Guren's shoulders stiffen and gives a small, bitter smile. "She's never loved me, never even liked me, but our arrangement to pretend otherwise was very important to both of us, so we hatched a scheme to convince the others that everything was fine. She wrote this love letter," he wiggles the envelope, "and gave it to me. After mentioning a few of the things it said to our brothers and parents, I was able to convince them that our relationship was perfectly alright."

"What the hell," Guren growls, "would I possibly want with a love letter Mahiru wrote to you?"

"Ah, but Guren, you're not getting it at all. This wasn't a letter to me. At least...not really. Mahiru wrote it as if she were writing to you."

Guren's entire face goes blank.

"It was my idea," Shinya tells him. "She was having trouble writing the letter, you see, because she started off trying to pretend it was for me, like her family wanted. But she and I...well, that method wasn't working. So I told her to secretly write it like she was writing it for the one she really loved. So she did. She pretended she was writing to you, Guren. So, here." He flutters the envelope again. "Take it. I know that now probably isn't the best time for you to receive it, given the current circumstances, but...well, I don't need or want to hang on to it any longer, not after..." He gestures vaguely at his neck with his free hand. "And what's said inside is meant for you to begin with, so take it."

Still, Guren hesitates. He reaches a hand out as if to take the letter, but freezes before he can actually take the envelope.

Shinya all but throws it at him, smirking as Guren makes an indignant sound and glares at him as he flails to catch the envelope. "Stop being so shy, Guren," he says, giving a sly smile. "I know how you and Mahiru feel about each other. Believe me," he adds, his tone now slightly bitter, "no one knows better than me." It was because of Mahiru's feelings for Guren, after all, that she'd rejected Shinya six years ago, shutting down his hopes for the future before they could even truly form.

Guren looks a little taken aback by Shinya's words and tone, but quickly schools his expression back into the standard grumpy look he usually wears. "...Thanks," he says after a long awkward moment.

Shinya laughs without mirth. "Don't thank me," he says immediately, and means it. "You're doing me a favor by taking it." Back before Mahiru had tried to kill him, before Guren had come to their school, back before everything had gone so terribly sideways...

Before, he would pull out the letter from time to time and pretend that the words Mahiru had written down were intended for him, instead of Guren, who he hadn't even met yet. He would pretend that there was a chance he could convince her to care about him someday. He would pretend, even knowing that it was all a lie. But Shinya was a convincing liar, even to himself. _I'm fine_ , he'd told himself more times than he could count. _Someday someone will give a damn about me._

Truth be told, he wasn't fine and it was highly unlikely that anyone would ever care what happened to him. He had only himself to rely on in the end, but that was fine. He was used to it.

"You should get your throat looked at," Guren says unexpectedly as he turns the envelope over in his hands before finally slipping it into his bag between his notebooks. "That scarf won't work to hide your injury in a few days when that heat wave they're talking about hits."

Shinya, once more, is thrown for a loop by Guren's statement. He understands, intellectually, the words coming out of Guren's mouth, and he can string them together into sentences, but the _meaning_ behind Guren's words just sort of stumps him.

 _He's...worried about me?_

 _Why?_

 _No one ever cares when I get hurt._

He'd been close to death more times than he could count during his childhood alone, yet had never received even an iota of concern from anyone beyond the uncaring question of _"Are you still physically able to continue fighting?"_

"...I had a consultation with a specialist at a clinic in the city," he tells Guren at last when his classmate gives him a pointed glare at his continued silence. He doesn't know why he's telling Guren the truth, but for once it just doesn't occur to him to lie. "They gave me some medicine to help with the pain, and I have some healing talismans I plan to apply to speed up the healing. Don't waste your time worrying about me," he tacks on. "I've had worse."

"Who said I was worried?" Guren huffs out. "You just look stupid, that's all, with that ridiculous scarf."

Shinya gives an impish grin. "Aww, checking me out, Guren? How flattering."

"Ugh, stop talking. Just shut your mouth."

Shinya dramatically snaps his mouth shut and mimes zipping it closed, even as he holds in a chuckle.

Shinya isn't a sociable person, even though he pretends otherwise, and he knows this about himself. With Guren, though...he stills pester Guren whenever the opportunity presents itself, because the other teen's responses are just too good to pass up.

And there was just _something_ about Guren, too. A sort of...brightness, like a magnetic pull. It made Shinya want to be close to Guren, as if by being in close proximity he could somehow use Guren's brightness to light his own dark and shadowed path.

In any case, he was glad he'd decided to give Mahiru's letter to Guren. Hanging on to it had become almost tortuous to Shinya, so it was better to give it to Guren, who might actually derive some comfort from the words it contained, words that told the story of how deeply Mahiru loved and desired Guren.

Shinya found that he didn't mind that letter so much, if it could maybe help Guren even just a little.


	3. Chapter 3: The Third Gift

_A/N: This chapter was also hard for me to write, and this time I'm almost positive that it's less because of the story itself and more because of extenuating circumstances going on in my life._

 _Not that anyone cares, but I was sort of having a bad mental health day when I started working on this chapter in particular (a couple days ago now); some stuff going on in my life included: being pretty close to broke, having a close friend spend the night in the emergency room because of an ongoing health issue, dealing with various health issues of my own, dealing with my father's health issues, my day job where I work eight hours standing up and interacting with people which I love but is exhausting, my side job doing freelance writing which has recently been causing me extra stress and irritation, various bills from various things, and just other things all cropping up at the same time when I already have too much to deal with. It was so bad that I honestly wasn't in a good mood at all, to the point where I sat down to write and actually went "ugh" which is really not like me._

 _Luckily, once I put on some background music and got started on the chapter, things started looking up. And now, as I post this, my mood is almost completely recovered! I mean, life is still stressful, but I'm not verging on an anxiety attack, which is nice. XD Also, it's my birthday the day after tomorrow, so there's that! :D_

 _Anyway, thanks putting up with my rant. Enjoy the chapter!_

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 **第** **3** **の贈り物** **/The Third Gift**

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The third time Shinya gives Guren a present, it isn't in repayment for saving his life or to help himself move on from the fact that his fiancé will never love him.

This time, he's giving Guren a gift simply because he wants to.

It's both liberating and terrifying, and Shinya has to remind himself several times that for normal kids their age, this sort of thing isn't a big deal at all. Anyone with a remotely normal upbringing wouldn't even bat an eye at giving a gift to a friend.

Neither Shinya nor Guren has grown up normal, though, so Shinya is a bit (just the _tiniest_ bit) nervous about giving Guren a gift 'just because'.

In any case, he shows up at Guren's apartment one day after school with a video game in one hand and a bag of junk food in the other.

"Mito and Goshi are running a little late," Shinya says to him in lieu of a proper greeting, "so I decided to come on ahead to keep you company until they arrive."

"I already have Sayuri and Shigure for company," Guren grumbles, but stands aside to let him in.

"Well, the more the merrier, right?" Shinya says, and then flashes a smile that's actually mostly sincere when he notices that Guren has some cans of soda waiting out on a nearby table; specifically, there are three extra cans in addition to those set side for Guren and his retainers...meaning that he'd been expecting (and perhaps even looking forward to) Shinya and the others stopping by after school.

"What's that?" Guren asks, noticing the package in Shinya's hand.

"Hm? Oh, this? It's for you; here." He tosses it over and goes to unpack the bag of snacks he was carrying in his other hand.

Guren catches the box easily and quickly peels away the plain brown paper it's wrapped in. "The new Assassin's Creed?" he says, his tone surprised. "I thought it was sold out and wait-listed. How did you get a copy?"

Shinya just gives a shit-eating grin. "I have my ways~"

Guren huffs out a small laugh. "As long as you didn't kill anyone to get it," he shoots back.

"Aw, Guren, that hurts my feelings!" Shinya clutches dramatically at his chest.

"As if you have feelings," Guren says, rolling his eyes.

Shinya sticks his tongue out, not letting the barb sting because he knows that Guren doesn't mean it, not really. "So mean."

Guren just shakes his head, grumbles under his breath some more, and goes to fire up his gaming console. "Seriously, though," he says as he puts in the game disc and adjusts a few basic settings before letting the console start uploading the game date, "you didn't steal this one from one of your brothers, did you? Because we don't really need them to be more ill-tempered than they already are."

"Ha!" Shinya pops open his soda and takes a sip. "Please, Guren, don't insult me with a question like that; I may hate them, but not enough to do something so blatantly idiotic. Besides," he adds, "even if I did want to piss them off, I couldn't do it by stealing a video game."

Guren frowns a bit, glancing over distractedly before returning his focus to the TV screen, which is showing the installation progress on the game so far. "Oh? Would they really just not care?"

"No, it's simply because neither of them plays games," Shinya answers, giving a shrug. "Seishirō's too busy being a bullying delinquent, and Kureto's focusing absolutely all of his energy on becoming the next head of our family."

A long moment of silence as Guren seems to absorb and contemplate that information. Then...

"Aren't there important things that you should be focusing on as well?" Guren asks, looking over at him a little more seriously. "Especially with everything that's going on."

Shinya just shakes his head. "Worried about me, Guren?" he asks teasingly, because he's hardly going to say the truth, which amounts to something along the lines of. _I'm already focusing on what's important to me, that's why I'm here with_ _ **you.**_

Guren, just as Shinya had counted on, makes an aggravated noise and tosses a bag of chips at his head. "Ugh, just stop talking." Then, "Ah, the game finished loading."

"That was fast," Shinya remarks absently, retrieving the bag of chips and opening it. "Are you going to play now, or wait for the others?"

"Don't be stupid," Guren responds. "If we wait for the others, Goshi and Mito will claim both controllers and put in one of their two-player fighting games; we'll never get another chance."

Shinya has to concede the point with a nod. "What about Sauyi and Shigure, though?" he asks. "Don't you think we should ask if they want to join us?"

"They're studying," Guren answers, glancing down the hall in the direction of the girls' rooms. "Said not to disturb them until dinnertime unless something drastic comes up. Something about needing to outdo some other classmate of theirs who insinuated something improper?" He shrugged. "I don't know. They seemed really intense about it, so I figured it would be safer for me to leave them be for right now."

Shinya laughs. "Probably a good idea," he agrees, then frowns as his phone goes off.

"What's up?" Guren asks. "Mito and Goshi still stuck at school?"

"No..." Shinya hits a button to mute the call and sets his phone aside. The call is from Kureto, and while Shinya doesn't know what his adoptive brother could want, he knows it can't be anything good. Or at least, nothing good for Shinya.

Guren just looks at him, a slight scowl starting to form on his face. "Shinya-"

"It's fine," Shinya says, right as his phone goes off again. He silences it after a glance at the display shows Kureto's name once more.

" _Shinya_."

"Don't worry about it," Shinya says dismissively, not quite making eye contact with his friend. "It's just Kureto."

" _Just_ Kureto?" Guren repeats, his tone a mix of incredulity and aggravation.

Shinya just hums under his breath, declining to comment. He knows he'll pay later for ignoring Kureto's calls, knows he'll be punished. He doesn't know how he'll be punished, but figures it'll probably be a combination of an ass-kicking (or a couple of them) and a restriction of privileges.

He doesn't want to think about that now, though; he'd rather focus on the now, on being here with Guren. "Really, Guren," he says once he notices that Guren is still scowling at him, purple eyes dark with what seems to be worry. "It's fine."

Shinya has to remind himself, sometimes, that Guren _does_ actually worry about the people he cares about, and that for some reason (some miraculous reason that Shinya doesn't even remotely understand) he includes Shinya in that short list of people.

Shinya doesn't know how to deal with that, though, with someone actually caring. He just...doesn't get it. No one else has ever cared about him before; his parents hadn't cared enough about him to try and keep him, the overseers of the candidacy trials hadn't cared whether he lived or died, his adoptive family didn't care about him beyond his skill level and obedience, and beyond that...there was no one.

Until now, at least. Now...now, there's Guren, and while Shinya doesn't understand why the other teen seems to care about him, he's still grateful for it. Intensely (almost painfully) grateful for it, more so with each passing day as he begins to realize more and more how much _Guren_ means to _him_.

It's a bit frightening, really, how much Shinya himself cares about Guren. Before meeting the Ichinose heir and getting to know him, Shinya had made a point to not care about anyone else ever again. He'd cared about his birth parents once upon a time, and they had repaid his love with abandonment; he'd tried to form a few friendships during the candidacy trials, but that had been a depressingly futile effort as well, because how could you be friends with someone if you had to kill them? When you had to prioritize your own survival over theirs?

He'd even tried to care about his adoptive family, but the majority of them had made that flat-out impossible from the get-go. Mahiru had refused to even really acknowledge him as more than a necessity on her path to get to Guren, Kureto alternated between disdainful and cruel, and Seishirō...Seishirō was just an asshole, all the time. Shinoa was the only one he could bring himself to care about, and even then it was an uneasy thing, because _caring_ had never turned out well for him.

All caring (or even just _trying_ to care) had ever done in the past was cause him pain and stress. He'd already endured enough pain to last him ten thousand lifetimes, and he honestly couldn't remember a time when he _hadn't_ been in a state of stress. He's gotten good at hiding it, though; he's good at pretending, even to himself, that everything is fine.

Right now, though...right now, for once, as he sits in Guren's apartment, sipping on a soda and munching on chips as Guren plays through the introductory stage of the new video game...right now, everything actually _does_ feel okay.

He might even venture so far as to say that he feels _good_ , which is...strange and unexpected, but definitely not unwanted.

 _Is this just because I'm doing normal teenager things?_ he wonders. _Or is it because I'm doing them with Guren?_

He doesn't let himself linger on the question for too long, because he's pretty sure he already knows the answer; it involves feelings that he doesn't want to assess too closely, because he's fairly certain a closer examination of his heart will lead to a four-letter word that he has no experience with, other than to wonder what it's like.

Still...sitting here with Guren like this...It made Shinya feel like maybe everything he'd been through might actually be worth it, if it had led him here. To Guren.

"You've got the stupidest look on your face," Guren says now, looking over his shoulder with a scowl (Shinya wonders occasionally if Guren has to work at scowling so often, or if it really does just come naturally). "If you're that worried about getting in trouble for ignoring Kureto, you can go," he says, and even though his tone is bitter it's clear he means it. It seems that he _would_ like to have Shinya stay, but not if it gets him into trouble with his adoptive family.

Shinya smiles (a real genuine smile) and shakes his head. "That's not what I'm worried about," he tells Guren, and it's the truth. Whatever punishment Kureto cooks up, the pain from it would pale in comparison to the pain of skipping out on Guren. They don't have many chances to get be teenagers and do normal things, and Shinya doesn't want to miss this opportunity. Doesn't want to leave Guren, not when he knows that the next time he sees him they could either be in class or be on the streets fighting for their lives against vampires or members of the Brotherhood of a Thousand Nights.

Guren just gives him a confused look, apparently caught off guard by Shinya's response.

"It's okay," Shinya assures him. "I'm really not worried about getting into trouble, I promise." _I'm already in trouble_ , he adds mentally. _Because the way I feel when I'm around you can't possibly lead to anything good._

Still, he wasn't going to leave.

No, he won't leave Guren. Not today. And if he has his way, not ever.

"Okay," Guren says, giving him a look that says plainly that he knows Shinya isn't telling him everything. "If you say so." He stares at Shinya intently for a moment, then turns back to the game. "If you're not leaving, hurry the hell up and get over here. These camera angles are for shit and the targeting system is ridiculous. Help me figure out the best way to kill this guy."

Shinya laughs, and it feels good. He can't remember the last time he laughed, _really_ laughed.

It somehow doesn't surprise him that Guren's the one who coaxed it out of him, even if it probably wasn't intentional.

"Sure," he says, still chuckling as he goes to sit next to Guren. "We'll work it out together."


	4. Chapter 4:The Fourth Gift

_A/N: Hi, everyone! Welcome back, I hope you're all doing well! I'm doing much better this time around, both mentally and physically, and I just wanted to take a moment and say a huge THANK YOU to everyone who offered me support when I said before that things weren't going well; having that support means the world to me, and it really did help me feel a lot better, so thank you, truly. (Also, it's my birthday tomorrow, so I'm a fair bit happier just in general. :D)_

 _Anyway, about this chapter: I initially couldn't decide what to have Shinya's gift in this fourth installment be, but then I remembered that Guren (in the anime, at least) has a record player. And I don't believe we ever learned where he got that record player from? *cackles maniacally* You guys see where this is headed, right? ;D_

* * *

 **第** **4** **の贈り物** **/The Fourth Gift**

* * *

There are quite few other times in high school when Shinya gets Guren a gift, typically something small that won't raise too many suspicions. Their sort-of friendship slowly but surely morphs into the real thing, but then...

But then everything goes to hell, as it usually does in Shinya's life.

The world ends. On Christmas, because why not.

And everything changes, becomes even worse than before, and all thoughts of giving gifts to the most important person in his life fall to the wayside, because _the world has ended_ , yet somehow they're still fighting, on and on and on.

He is twenty now. He's a Major General in the Japanese Imperial Demon Army. That's something he should probably be proud of, but honestly he's not terribly enthusiastic about it; fighting and killing is all he knows, all he's had in his life since the age of five, but it's not something he _enjoys_.

No, the only thing he really enjoys in the hellscape of his life is spending time with Guren, something that's increasingly hard to do given their respective military responsibilities. Neither of them has much free time, period. What little spare time they do have is typically spent sleeping or training, rather than truly relaxing.

Sometimes, Shinya finds himself missing the simplicity of their high school days. At the time, things had seemed so dire, but compared to now...compared to now, the struggles of their freshman year were nothing, really. The events that had occurred back then had been the catalyst for the world they were living in now, but even then they'd still had time to pretend, even if only for a moment, that there was hope for the future.

Now, every day is one endless mind-numbing battle after another, and if sometimes those battles take place verbally in a meeting room instead of on the wrecked streets of the city, well, it was all the same to Shinya, just another trial to survive.

Guren has become more important to him than ever, but he's still scared to let it show. The world they live in is not a safe one, and the possibility of something happening, of something going wrong, of Guren dying...that fear is never far away, even though Shinya tells himself over and over again that Guren is strong, is a survivor. That Guren won't allow himself to be taken down so easily.

Still, he worries.

He's going to try not to worry too much today, though. Because today is August 28th, Guren's birthday, and he wants it to be a happier day than all the days preceding it.

Guren is turning twenty-one today, and Shinya has a gift for him that is probably the biggest so far (at least in terms of physical size; he can't say whether it'll have as strong an emotional impact as, for example, that letter from Mahiru four years ago).

It had taken Shinya the better part of six months to decide upon a gift and then another four months to track it down. It had taken much longer than he'd anticipated, but in hindsight he'd probably lucked out by finding one at all; the world was over, after all, with most of the human population dead and the majority of man-made products similarly destroyed or damaged. The particular item he'd chosen had probably been hard enough to get before the world had gone to hell in a hand-basket; getting his hands on one now was probably nothing short of a minor miracle.

He'd finally found it, though, and today was the day.

He's very careful packaging it; it's heavy and fragile at the same time, so he wraps it in some spare blankets and puts it _very_ gently into a smallish but sturdy plastic packing crate, just the right size to hold the gift snugly.

Getting it to Guren's office is slightly more troublesome, because the Major General hauling a plastic packing crate through the halls is something that makes some of the other soldiers stare, but he just flashes them overly bright smiles that show too many teeth to be anything other than blatant warnings of _You really don't want to bother me right now_ and continues on his way.

When he finally reaches Guren's office, the door is closed, because of course it is. Guren doesn't like to be disturbed when working any more than Shinya does (although Shinya will happily abandon any of his work anytime to spend time with Guren; truth be told, it's become almost a habit now, putting off his own work to go pester Guren when he's doing his).

But in any case, Shinya isn't going to let something as basic as a closed door dissuade him. Since his arms are full with the crate, he turns to the side a bit and knocks on the door with his elbow; it's awkward, but effective, and he can hear Guren grumbling inside at the disturbance.

"I thought I made it clear that I didn't want to be-" Guren's eyes go wide as he opens the door to find Shinya standing there, the ire in his voice dissipating and transforming into something closer to confusion. "...disturbed."

Shinya snickers a bit at the bewildered look on his friend's face. "You didn't really think that I'd forgotten what today is," he says teasingly, leaning against the door-frame and shifting the crate in his arms a bit to make sure it doesn't fall.

"I didn't...I don't..." Guren's face going through a series of widely varying expressions before settling on an interesting combination of irritation and amusement. "What are you doing here, Shinya?"

"What does it look like?" He hefts the crate in his arms and arches an eyebrow pointedly. "Delivering your birthday present, of course."

Guren huffs out an exasperated sigh. "Shinya..."

"No arguments," Shinya tells him, quickly shouldering his way into Guren's office, leaving Guren with no choice but to shut the door and follow after him. (Or to decide that he's finally had it with Shinya and leave, but Shinya's hoping that Guren chooses to stay and accept the gift.)

Guren sighs again, but it sounds more resigned this time...then he pulls the door shut and follows Shinya into the main area of the office. "Don't you have mission reports that you're supposed to be finishing?"

Shinya makes a rude sound as he crosses the office to carefully set the crate down on Guren's desk. "Mission reports," he scoffs, shaking his head. "As if I'm going to spend today shut up in my office doing paperwork. Do you really think so little of me, Guren?"

Guren rolls his eyes, but a small smile is creeping across his face now. "That's not what I meant and you know it. But I don't think blowing off your duties on the excuse of celebrating my birthday is going to go over well with your brothers."

Now it's Shinya turn to rolls his eyes. "My so-called _brothers_ can go stuff themselves," he replies, crossing his arms as he leans against the edge of Guren's desk. "I'll spend my time _however_ I like and _with whomever_ I like." And then, before Guren has a chance to argue anymore, "Now stop trying to send me away and unwrap your present!"

Guren spends a few seconds glaring at him, but finally relents when all Shinya does is smile even wider. "This had better not be another fire extinguisher," he grumbles, trudging over to the desk and reaching for the crate.

"Excuse you, that was a _great_ gift," Shinya says, mock-offended. "And it certainly came in handy that time Mito knocked over that oil lamp, didn't it?"

Guren makes an aggravated sound. "Please stop talking," he implores as he lifts the blanket-wrapped bundle out the packing crate.

Shinya fakes a pout. "Aw, so mean, Guren. And here I came to celebrate your birthday with you and everything!"

Guren opens his mouth, probably to say something else rude or dismissive (none of it truly meant; Shinya understands now that Guren has difficulty expressing his true feelings, and so falls back on insults and barbed comments to protect himself, similar to how Shinya hides himself behind smiles to mask his inner pain and turmoil), but then goes very still as he finally succeeds in tugging away the blankets that Shinya had wrapped his gift in.

"What's wrong?" Shinya asks, the question a real one for a change. "...You don't like it?"

"No, that's not..." Guren stares at the record player in something akin to reverent shock. "Shinya, this is amazing; it's still in good condition and everything, too. I just... _how_ did you get this?"

"Ehhh, I looked around a bit." 'A bit' here having the meaning of 'for many, _many_ months'. "It's incredible, the things you can find just lying around these days." He'd had to crawl through a collapsed and abandoned warehouse to get that turntable, but the look on Guren's face right now...it was totally worth all the trouble he'd gone to. "I managed to scrounge up a few records, too," he tells Guren. "Just classical stuff mostly, but I think there was one Led Zeppelin record as well, and maybe even some Sinatra. Oh, and I found one Minako Yoshida record, but it's a little scratched, so the sound quality might not be so good."

Guren just stares at him for a long moment, looks back down at the turntable sitting on his desk, and then turns back to Shinya again, still not speaking.

"...I can find you something else if you don't like it," Shinya offers, starting to worry that maybe Guren _doesn't_ like it, after all.

"Don't be stupid," Guren snaps at him...then reaches over and pulls him into a bone-crushing hug. "This...this is _great_. Thanks."

Shinya flinches and stiffens briefly, because while he is fairly touchy-feely with Guren at certain times, he's still got a lifetime of carefully honed battle instincts telling him that sudden movement equals an incoming attack. But once that first second passes and he shoves down that defensive reflex, he relaxes, because this is _Guren_ ; Guren would never hurt him, not on purpose.

And once it hits, truly hits him, that this is happening (that Guren is _hugging_ him; stupid, stubborn emotionally constipated _Guren_ ), it's like Shinya's whole body is flooded with warmth, a sort of fuzzy light feeling that he's never felt before. It's not unlike the feeling he gets when he manages to get a smile, however small, out of Guren, but this feeling...it's so much _more_.

It's like being safe in the bright glow of the sun, without worries or danger to consider. It's honestly the best feeling Shinya can ever recall having experienced, in his entire life.

 _Guren..._ "So...you like it, then?" he asks, struggling to keep his voice from cracking.

"Yeah," Guren answers, his own voice rough. "I like it."

"I'm glad," Shinya replies. "Happy birthday, Guren."


	5. Chapter 5: The Fifth Gift

_A/N: Hi, my friends! Welcome back! I hope you're all doing well! I'm doing pretty good; had a good birthday and all that. A huge thank you to everyone who sent me birthday well wishes; you guys are the best! :D_

 _Anyway, I had SUCH a hard time writing this chapter, and it's my own fault, because I decided to make it take place on Christmas Eve, so I could have a) Guren being angsty because Christmas-time is a bad time of year for him (not surprising given that he kind of ended the world on Christmas when he was sixteen) but also b) Shinya bringing Guren cake on Christmas Eve, because in Japan Christmas Eve is basically a couples' holiday and in Japan eating a certain type of sponge cake (usually with strawberries on top) is also a tradition. (Although, Shinya doesn't actually get a chance to eat cake with Guren right away)._

 _Guren is probably also going to be drunk, because I wanted there to be a kiss, and Guren's not quite mentally/emotionally at a place where he can kiss Shinya while sober (and he has a good excuse to be drinking, because it's pretty much the anniversary of when he caused the end of the world!)._

 _So basically...this chapter is going to be heart-breaking and angsty, but also with a kiss? I mean, it's going to be kind of sad overall, but that'll make the final chapter, the +1, all the better once we get to it! *nervous laughter* Also, I apologize for any typos or errors; I just finished this chapter today and wanted to post it right away, so some small errors might have slipped through the editing process. Sorry!  
_

* * *

 **第** **5** **回ギフト** **/The Fifth Gift**

* * *

The fifth time Shinya decides to bring Guren a gift, he's more anxious about it than he's ever been before.

He hadn't even been this nervous in high school or on Guren's birthday; it was like his stomach was doing non-stop somersaults.

Today was Chrsitmas Eve. It hadn't been a holiday to celebrate in years, not since the world had come to devastating end on Chrstimas Day itself six years ago.

Shinya and Guren are both twenty-two now, but neither of them has moved on from the events of their freshman year, not really. Shinya doesn't quite remember all of what had happened on that fateful Christmas Day all those years ago, but he remembers enough.

And Guren...he knows that Guren remembers all of it, even though he refuses to talk about, shutting down or changing the topic whenever anyone mentions it.

Guren typically spends Christmas week either shut up in his office slogging through paperwork and snarling at anyone who disturbs him, or locked in his bedroom with a bottle of high-proof shōchū.

Shinya has already stopped by his friend's office and found it empty, so he knows Guren isn't there; that leaves only one possibility, so he makes his way to Guren's residence instead. He lets himself into the apartment itself with the key Guren gave him years ago, but he pauses before knocking on Guren's bedroom door, suddenly assaulted by doubt.

 _Is this a good idea?_ he wonders. Guren doesn't like to be bothered this time of year, everyone knew that...but Shinya also knows that leaving Guren alone with his guilt and grief isn't a good idea; Guren doesn't handle painful emotions well (hell, he doesn't handle emotions well, period), and Shinya hates to see Guren hurting, hates to even think about it.

And while he understands logically that there's not much he can do to help Guren deal with the pain in his heart, he figures that at the very least he can make sure that Guren isn't all alone. Shinya is overly familiar with being alone, and he knows that the loneliness can hurt just as much as, if not more than, the original pain.

And he's bringing a cake because...well, because it's Christmas Eve, and isn't that what people do for the ones they care about? There's no one Shinya cares about more than Guren, and Shinya has never forgotten that Guren never had gotten a chance to eat any cake on Christmas six years ago like he'd wanted.

Besides, with all the high-proof alcohol that Guren's probably been consuming, a cake is a good idea just from the standpoint of getting some sort of food into the man. Shinya's not much for drinking himself, because it dulls his senses and loosens his tongue, but he understands enough about it to know that drinking on an empty stomach isn't such a great idea. And with their other teammates out on assignment right now, there was no one else to make sure Guren did more than pickle his liver and kill off brain cells.

So Shinya takes a deep breath to steel his nerves, clutches the cake box a little tighter to his chest, and then knocks on Guren's bedroom door with his free hand.

There's no immediate response other than a groan from inside, so Shinya knocks again.

This time, he can hear Guren complaining inside the room, grumbling about disturbances and leaving him in peace.

"What do you want?" Guren demands as he whips open the door, then freezes in place as he notices that it's Shinya.

Shinya just tilts his head to one side, regarding his friend carefully. Guren's hair is messy, and he looks like he hasn't slept for at least two days. "...I brought cake," he says at last, giving Guren a half-smile as he ducks around his friend and lets himself into the room.

"Hey!" Guren says indignantly. "Don't just go inviting yourself into my room!"

Shinya turns back around and gives Guren a faint smirk. "Always so mean, Guren. I can leave and go eat this cake by myself, if you want. It's pretty rich, though, so I'll end up ruining my delicate figure and I really don't think-"

"Ugh, shut up," Guren groans, kicking the door closed. "I'm not sober enough to keep up with your ridiculousness today."

Shinay frowns at bit at that, because while Guren does admit to drinking around Christmas-time, he has never before admitted to _being drunk_. "How much shōchū have you had?" Shinya asks, setting down the cake box on a nearby table and looking around for whatever bottle Guren's been drinking from.

"Eh, lost track," Guren says dismissively, and it's then that Shinya notices one empty bottle in the trashcan and another half-full bottle on Guren's nightstand.

Shinya sucks in a deep breath and lets it out as a long, slow sigh. "Guren..." He shakes his head, at a loss for words. He hates seeing Guren like this, but he doesn't really know what to do.

He's never sure how Guren will react to his more affectionate gestures at any given time; sometimes Guren puts up with his behavior, sometimes he shuts Shinya down. Sometimes Guren will respond a smile, or with a hug or a pat on the back, and other times he will just stare at Shinya like he's trying to solve the most important puzzle of his life.

"Did you really come all this way just to bring me cake?" Guren asks now, the sound of his voice snapping Shinya out of his thoughts.

"You say that like it was some long trip to get here," Shinya answers with a chuckle. "This building isn't that far from headquarters, you know." And since the Hiiragi manor was pretty much right next to JIDA HQ, coming from his own living quarters to Guren's wasn't much more than fifteen minute walk. "Besides, I didn't want you to be alone on Christmas Eve."

Guren snorts. "I'm alone on every Christmas Eve, _and_ on every Christmas, and that's _entirely on purpose_."

Shinya frowns, because there's some sort of dark undercurrent to Guren's voice that he doesn't understand, that he can't figure out the cause of. "...You want to talk about it?" he offers, his tone of voice light but the offer itself entirely serious.

Guren just gives him a look, something that's halfway between a glare and an unspoken plea, and Shinya doesn't know what to do, because this Guren, who's more than a little hammered, is not a Guren that he's familiar with; he doesn't know what to do with a Guren who's not acting like his usual belligerent self.

Finally, after a really long stretch of tense and awkward silence, Guren looks away, shaking his head. "You wouldn't understand," he mumbles, his voice barely audible. "You could never understand...and that's a good thing," he continues, his gazed fixed on some faraway point inside his mind. "You were gone, and there was blood everywhere, and I was alone...but you're here now, you and the others, so it was worth it."

Shinya feels like he's suddenly ten steps behind in this conversation. What in the world is Guren talking about? "...What was worth it?" he asks at last, confused.

But Guren just shakes his head. "Can't tell," he mutters, looking agitated now. "You can't know. You _can't_. Don't make me tell, not when I'd lose you again."

Shinya still has no idea what the hell is going on, but he does know that he can't stand to see Guren this upset, no matter what the cause is. "Okay, okay, that's fine," he tells the other man. "You don't need to tell me, it's alright." He reaches out hesitantly to rub Guren's shoulder in what he hopes is a comforting manner. "It's alright," he says again, working hard to keep his tone soothing.

Guren mumbles some more, but finally calms down, and Shinya makes a mental note to never let Guren near anything alcoholic ever again. Then Guren shifts position and rests his head on Shinya's shoulder, and Shinya's brain completely short-circuits, all thoughts of banning alcohol fleeing from his mind.

"Guren..." Shinya lifts up one hand to rest gently on the back of Guren's head, his heart pounding. "You should probably get some rest," he tells his friend, struggling to keep his voice even. "Sleep off the shōchū."

Guren gives a weak laugh, but doesn't move, just stands there, so close that Shinya can feel the other man's heartbeat. "I don't feel drunk," he mutters.

Shinya snorts. "That's what all drunks say," he replies, rolling his eyes even though he knows Guren isn't looking at him. Then he carefully nudges Guren in the direction of his bed and they begin shuffling over in that direction. "Come on, Guren, some sleep will help, you'll see."

"No, it won't," Guren argues. "It won't help anything, this world will still be a cursed hellhole!"

"Well...you're right about that," Shinya concedes. "But I meant 'it'll help' more in the 'you won't be drunk when you wake up tomorrow morning' sense. And you being sober will certainly be very helpful, for my peace of mind if nothing else."

Guren twists to look at him, wearing a confused scowl. "Shinya-"

"I'm going to borrow a line of yours, Guren: _please stop talking_." He flashes Guren a weak smile at the latter's startled expression. "You're not making much sense right now, and I have a feeling that we'll both be happier when you're not talking through a filter of high-proof alcohol. Here," he says as they reach the bed, "sit down."

Guren struggles a bit, but Shinya elbows him in the side just hard enough to upset his balance, and he plops down onto the edge of the bed with a muttered curse. "I don't want to sleep," he says, looking annoyed and alarmed all at once. "I'll see it happen all over again the second I close my eyes."

Shinya opens his mouth to ask again what Guren;s talking about, then shakes his head and lets it go. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter, not really; all that matters to Shinya, all that has ever mattered to Shinya, is Guren. "You need to rest," he says instead, saying it sternly in the hopes of making an impression against Guren's stubbornness. "Tomorrow is Christmas, and I refuse to eat cake with a Guren that isn't sober."

Guren gives an amusing sort of snorting chuckle and falls backwards onto the bed, his bangs falling into his face and obscuring his eyes. "Well, I'd better get myself sorted out, then," he replies. "Wouldn't want to disappoint you on Christmas."

"You could never disappoint me," pops out of Shinya's mouth before he has a chance to swallow the words. "Not on any day." He cringes at how earnest and infatuated that statement sounds even to his own ears.

He's been downplaying his feelings for Guren for _years_ , and here he goes, slipping up and letting some of it show. (He consoles himself with the bittersweet knowledge that at least Guren probably won't remember most, if any, of what's happening right now, given how much he's had to drink).

Guren goes very still on the bed, so still that Shinya might have thought him dead if he didn't know better, if he couldn't still see the barely perceptible rise and fall of the other man's chest. "Shinya..." Guren says after a moment, "why do you stay with me? You...and the others, too...I'm not an easy person to be friends with, I know that. So...why?"

 _Because I love you_ , Shinya thinks, _as more than a friend._ But he doesn't say that, _can't_ say that, not now and possibly not ever. Instead, he gives Guren a sad little smile and says, "Because you're Guren."

It's a simple statement, but Guren's breathing hitches like he's been struck, and then, before Shinya can even fully register what's happening, Guren has vaulted back into sitting position and he's reaching for Shinya.

"What are you-" Shinya starts to ask, but his question is abruptly cut off when Guren wraps a hand around the back of his neck and pulls him close.

Guren kisses him, light and gentle, and Shinya suddenly feels like his heart might literally just explode in his chest from emotional overload.

He allows himself to indulge in the kiss for the briefest of moments, because while he knows that Guren doesn't mean this and is only doing it because he's hammered and not thinking straight, Shinya's damn well sure that nothing like this will ever happen again and he's not a strong enough man to deny himself at least a taste of what he truly wants. But then brings his hands up and carefully pushes Guren back, breaking the kiss.

Guren gives him a look that's one part hurt, one part confusion, and one part something else, his cheeks flushed slightly and his eyes bright. "Shinya, what it is? What's wrong?"

Shinya shakes his head, trying to keep his heart from breaking apart. "Guren," he says, quietly but firmly, "you're drunk. You're not thinking clearly."

Now Guren looks annoyed. "Shinya-"

Shinya raises a hand and covers Guren mouth before he can say anything else. "Don't," he says, and this time his voice does shake, as much as he tries to keep it steady. "Guren, just...don't. You're drunk, you're upset, you're...you're not thinking clearly," he says again, because it's the truth. Guren would never in a million years kiss Shinya while sober and in his right mind.

And as much as Shinya wants what Guren had initiated, he loves the other man too much to take advantage.

So he pushes Guren away, hard enough to make Guren lean back and away, almost falling back down onto the bed.

"Get some sleep," Shinya says, and it comes out sounding like an order.

Guren scowls, purple eyes flashing. "I'm not-"

"We can talk in the morning," Shinya says, cutting him off, "once you're sober. And if you even remember any of what's happened tonight by tomorrow and still want to give a try, I'll be more than happy to oblige you."

He doesn't expect Guren to remember, though; he's been doing some quick mental math in his head, calculating alcohol content and consumption rates, and he's fairly sure that most, if not all, of everything that had happened here will be swallowed up by the blackout effect.

Hell, he'll be lucky if Guren even remembers that he brought him a cake.

Not that it matters now, he tells himself. What's important is making sure that Guren is okay.

He shoves at Guren again, until the other than does sprawl back on on his bed. Then he quickly grabs a quilt from the closet and drapes it over him. "I'll make sure to lock the door on my way out," he tells Guren once he's satisfied with how his friend is tucked in.

"You don't need to go," Guren mumbles, eyes already drifting shut.

"I know I don't _need_ to," Shinya answers, stepping away after absently running a hand through Guren's messy hair. "But it's better for both of us right now if I do."

With that, he turns and leaves Guren's bedroom, and then the apartment altogether, making sure to lock the front door behind him when he leaves, just like he'd promised.

When he returns the next day, he finds Guren considerably more sober, albeit also pretty badly hungover.

Luckily, he anticipated the latter, and arrives at Guren's apartment armed with two large mugs of coffee, made from beans he'd ground himself.

"Thanks," Guren says gratefully as he accepts his mug.

"Anytime," Shinya replies easily, taking a sip of his own coffee while surreptitiously sneaking looks at Guren from the corner of his eye, trying to get a read on him, on whether he might remember any of the previous evening or not.

"Hey," Guren says after a few minutes of silence as they drink their coffee, "was it you who brought that cake?" He tilts his head to indicate the strawberry-topped sponge cake that's still sitting in its box.

 _Well, I guess that answers that question._ "Yes, I came by yesterday to see if you wanted any," Shinya answers, thinking over his words carefully. "...But you were already in bed by the time I dropped by, so I decided to just leave it here for you to eat at your convenience."

Guren frowns a bit. "I was asleep when you came?" he questions, sounding uncertain.

"Well, 'asleep' is a bit generous," Shinya says with a smirk, stomach twisting slightly as the lie. "I believe 'passed out' is a more accurate description of how I found you."

Guren's frown deepens, and he shakes his head a bit. "That isn't..." He huffs out an annoyed sigh. "I don't remember much of anything starting from about when I started in on the second bottle of shōchū," he admits after a moment, a flush of embarrassment creeping up his neck. "I think I remember someone knocking on my bedroom door, and I guess it must have been you, but after that..."

"After that?" Shinya prompts when Guren falls silent.

Guren shakes his head again, this time scowling fiercely. "It's mostly just a big blank in my head after that. I'll get a flash of something here and there, but none of it makes any sense, so I think I must be misremembering or mixing things up with my dreams or something."

"...I see," is all Shinya can really say in response to that, because what else can he say, really?

 _I know you don't remember it at all, but you kissed me?_

 _You kissed me, and I kissed you back a little, and I never wanted to stop?_

Yeah, somehow Shinya doesn't think that'll go over well. So he keeps quiet instead and just dumps some of his own coffee into Guren's now almost empty mug. "You need it more than I do," is all he says when Guren gives him a confused look at the action.

Guren gives him a tired half-smile. "Thanks, Shinya," he says, taking another deep gulp of his coffee before standing up abruptly and going over to the many-times-abandoned cake. "I know you wanted us to eat this last night, on Christmas Eve, but since today is Christmas, technically we can still have some now and have it count."

"Only if you want to," Shinya feels compelled to reply.

Guren rolls his eyes. "I don't know about 'wanting to'," he replies with a smirk, "but I'd hate to see it go to waste, so we might as well eat it."

That attitude is more like what Shinya expects from Guren, so Shinya gives a smirk in return. "Aw, so mean, Guren. I bring you cake and you don't even really want to eat it!"

Guren gives a snort of laughter. "Shut up and go grab some plates from the kitchen," he grumbles, waving a hand in a shooing motion.

Shinya laughs under his breath and heads off to do so. "Whatever you command, fearless leader," he says teasingly.

"Hey, Shinya?" Guren calls out a moment later, as Shinya is retrieving plates and silverware.

"Yeah?" he calls back.

"...Are you sure nothing else happened last night? I feel like I'm forgetting something important."

Shinya remains silent for a long moment, struggles to keep his breathing even and his heartbeat steady, and then answers back. "If it really is important," he tells Guren as he returns with the plates and silverware, "I'm sure it'll come back to you eventually."

Guren gives him another one of those unreadable looks before nodding. "Yeah, I guess you're right," he agrees, before taking the knife from Shinya's hand and turning back to the cake. "Do you want a strawberry on top of your slice, or no?"

"Whichever," Shinya replies with a shrug. "It doesn't matter much to me."

 _As long as I'm here with you, nothing else is important._

* * *

 _A/N: Okay, so I feel compelled to leave an ending author's note for the first time just to reassure all of you that it'll be okay. I know, this chapter was more depressing than fluffy, but the final chapter (the +1) will totally make up for it! (...I hope. XD)._


	6. Chapter 6: A Kiss of Sunlight

_A/N: Okay, so the title of the chapter is sort of terrible, but the chapter itself is okay! I think so, at least. XD I had A LOT of trouble writing Guren this time around, because Guren is going out of his way to act happy and be nice and...it's hard to write him like that because it's Guren. But it's also satisfying, because he's trying so hard to do something nice for Shinya. ;D So, basically: this chapter can come across as hellishly OOC (for Guren in particular), but I hope you enjoy it anyway! Also the ending of the chapter was...not planned. Guren hijacked my original plan for this last chapter, and the end result is...well, you'll see. ;D I hope you like it!_

* * *

 **太陽光のキス** **/A Kiss of Sunlight**

* * *

When Guren shows up at Shinya's office on November 21st, the day before his birthday, Shinya is partially surprised, but mostly not. Ever since Guren had helped him through a crippling panic attack on his last birthday, his friend had more than once implied that he wasn't going to let Shinya handle the emotional turmoil of his birthday alone anymore.

Shinya still wasn't entirely sure how he felt about it, but he knew that both shame and gratitude were somewhere in the mix. And a sort of soul-crushing relief, that he wasn't alone anymore, that there was at least one other person in the world who _saw_ him and didn't turn away in disgust at the sight.

Still, he knows that he isn't particularly good company right now, and he doesn't understand why Guren would want to make himself miserable as well by hanging out with Shinya.

He's even more befuddled by the fact that Guren seems to be carrying a picnic basket.

"You have a really stupid look on your face," Guren informs him with a smirk, then glances over at the towering stacks of paperwork on Shinya's desk with a sigh. "Does burying yourself in work really help you forget about what you went through?"

"Sometimes," Shinya says with a shrug, although the entirely truthful answer is 'usually not'. "But it's work that needs to get done, either way."

"It _does_ need to get done," Guren agrees, then gives Shinya another little smirk. "But not today." He walks around Shinya's desk and takes away the stack of forms Shinya had been working on prior to Guren's arrival.

Shinya frowns. "What do you mean?" he asks, putting up a token resistance before allowing Guren to take his stack of paperwork and toss it on top of another pile of more of the same.

"I mean," Guren says, now turning back to Shinya and all but tugging him out of his chair, "that I spoke with Kureto earlier, and you now have the rest of the day off."

Shinya blinks at him, now more confused than ever. "I don't...you _what_?"

"Well, not 'off' precisely," Guren amends. "I may have led Kureto to believe that I needed your help today with a special project that takes priority over your paperwork. It's not _technically_ untrue," Guren adds, flashing a smile that does strange things to Shinya's heart-rate. "I definitely need you more than your paperwork does."

Shinya just stares at him for a long moment. "...Have you been drinking?" he asks at last, because that's the only logical explanation he can think of for Guren's weird behavior right now (well, that or a traumatic head injury, but Guren seems unharmed, so it can't be that).

Guren rolls his eyes. "No, of course not," he answers, sounding amused and exasperated all at once. "I haven't had anything stronger than hard cider since Christmas last year, you know that."

Shinya hadn't actually known that for sure, but it was nice to hear it all the same, even if it did debunk his theory for why Guren was acting strangely. "Okay..." he says slowly, not sure how to proceed. "Well, as much as I appreciate the thought, Guren, you and I both have work to do." (And doesn't that just sound _wrong_ coming out of his mouth; normally Guren's the one insisting on finishing his work while Shinya bugs him to go out and do something).

"Sorry," Guren says, neither sounding nor looking the tiniest bit sorry at all, "but I already told Kureto that we'd both be gone for the rest of the day. So come on already, and let's get the hell out of here." He starts pulling Shinya towards the door, and Shinya is once more thoroughly perplexed by this bizarre role reversal of Guren pestering him and manhandling him instead of the other way around.

Shinya opens his mouth to argue some more, but Guren shoots him a look that tells him it would be pointless; Shinya is plenty familiar with that stubborn look, and knows that trying to dissuade Guren from whatever it is he has his mind set on is, at this point, futile. "...Where are we going?" he asks instead, trying to ignore how warm and tingly he feels with Guren's hand on his arm.

"You'll see," is all Guren says, giving him a wink when he glances over with a confused look. "Just...trust me, okay, Shinya?"

"I do trust you," Shinya replies immediately, the words falling from his lips easily and automatically because they're one of the few truths he has in his life. He trusts Guren with not just his life but also his heart and soul, and he knows that Guren would never hurt him deliberately.

He _really_ doesn't understand what Guren's up to right now, though. This is the most cheerful he's seen Guren in months (possibly years), and _what is he doing with a picnic basket_?

Where had Guren even _gotten_ a picnic basket? It wasn't like they were just laying around these days; anything that wasn't related to the military or sorcery or demonic research was hard to come by.

And yet, Guren was pulling him down the hall and out of headquarters...with a picnic basket dangling from his free arm, acting as if this was a completely normal situation.

Guren leads him to a random car parked outside of HQ and steers him towards the passenger side. "Get in," his friend says.

Shinya runs a hand through his hair absentmindedly, frowning again. "Why?"

Guren rolls his eyes again. "Because we're going somewhere." The 'obviously' goes unspoken, but Shinya can hear it in his tone.

Shinya puts his hands on his hips and pins Guren in a half-hearted glare. " _Where_ are we going?"

"It's a surprise," Guren says, reaching over to hold the passenger-side door open for him, his tone so cheerful that Shinya starts to wonder if he somehow slipped into an alternate dimension.

Shinya debates the merits of demanding more information, but finally just sighs and slips into the car. "I can't believe you're abducting me in the middle of my work day," he grumbles, snapping his seat-belt into place with an irritated huff.

Guren just chuckles, closes his door, and then gets into the driver's seat, twisting around and carefully setting the picnic basket in the back seat before starting the car.

Shinya, despite his numerous questions (he's pretty sure he's got more with every passing moment), remains silent as they drive away from JIDA HQ and into the ruins of Tōkyō.

Guren is quiet as well, so there's plenty of potential for the car ride to be awkward...but it isn't.

The silence between them is a comfortable one; they've been through too much together and mean too much to each other by this point for any situation involving the two of them to be truly uncomfortable.

Shinya is still wondering what the hell is going on, though. He trusts Guren implicitly, but his innate need to _know_ and _understand_ (a quality born of his brutal childhood, from when not knowing or not understanding could end with him dead on the ground) is nagging at him, hounding him to figure out what's going on here.

He only gets more confused (and more curious) when Guren drives them to Bunkyō-ku, a special ward that had previously, before the end of the world, been one of the most populous areas of the city.

Now, this part of the city is pretty much as devastated as the rest; buildings are wrecked and crumbling, roads are cracked and have more holes than flat surfaces, and the sidewalks that had once upon a time been filled with bustling crowds are now deserted and desolate.

Shinya gives up on trying to understand what Guren is planning when they drive to Rikugi-en, which had previously been a metropolitan park with some of the most breathtaking gardens around.

The scenery is still gorgeous, even though the trees and plants have completely taken over the majority of the park, turning it into something straight out of _Origin: Spirits of the Past_.

Shinya kind of likes the look of it, though, the way the trees are stretching high into the autumn sky with the grass growing tall in the meadows. There's something just innately beautiful about nature carrying on like this, even as the human race is stumbling and lost and almost extinct.

Shinya can't remember the last time he stopped to look at the beauty of nature like this, and he finds himself glad that he let Guren bring him all the way out here.

"You have a stupid look on your face," Guren informs him as he parks the car and turns off the engine, but he's smiling as he says it, so all Shinya does is shake his head and smirk in response.

"Going to tell me what we're doing here?" Shinys asks, not really expecting an answer.

This time, though, Guren responds. "What does it look like we're doing?" he replies, exiting the car and reaching into the back seat for the picnic basket. "We're having a picnic."

Shinya just stares at him. "We're...what?"

"Having a picnic," Guren repeats, his tone patient but his eyes shining with a teasing light. "Come on, Shinya, it's not that hard of a concept to grasp." He flashes a crooked smile and then turns on his heel and starts making his way towards a shady patch of grass underneath a gigantic weeping cheery tree that is somehow in full bloom despite the fact that it's almost winter.

"It kind of is, though," Shinya murmurs, referring to the 'hard concept to grasp' comment. He's pretty sure he's never had a picnic lunch with anybody ever in his entire life. Certainly not since he'd been selected as an adoption candidate at the age of five, at least, and if he'd had a picnic with his birth parents before then, he couldn't remember it (which wasn't so surprising, really; he couldn't remember much from his early childhood anymore, it was buried under all the bloody memories he'd acquired since then).

He follows after Guren anyway, though, because what else is he going to do? Guren went to all the trouble of getting them both free from work to come out here, so he might as well play along.

So he follows after Guren and watched in increasing amusement as Guren spreads out the picnic blanket and sets out containers of food. "Did you put all of this together yourself?" he asks, picking up a Tupperware full of onigiri before setting it down to grin at another container that seems to be full of toast. "How thoughtful of you~"

"Can't have a decent picnic without food," is all Guren offers in response, but there's a satisfied little smile on his face that makes Shinya's stomach flutter unexpectedly.

This whole situation is unexpected, really. Shinya still isn't sure what Guren is thinking, but whatever his motive is, Shinya has to admit that he's enjoying himself. Despite the fact that it's pretty damn close to his birthday, which is pretty much his most hated day of the year, he's actually... _happy_ , sitting here with Guren, both of them munching on the picnic lunch.

After a little while, he notices that Guren is looking at him with a surprisingly intense expression on his face. Shinya frowns, taking a sip from his bottled water before setting it aside. "What's up?" he asks lightly, tilting his head to one side curiously.

Guren opens his mouth as if to say something, then shakes his head.

Then he moves so quickly that Shinya doesn't have any time to react at all. One second, Guren is on the other side of the picnic blanket, the next moment he's all but in Shinya's lap, his hands twined in Shinya's hair as he kisses him, the action creating a veritable fireworks explosion in Shinya's chest as he struggles to comprehend what's happening.

When Guren finally pulls away, Shinya is panting hard like he just ran a marathon and he can feel his heart going a mile a minute; hell, if his heart beats any faster, it's liable to pound its way right out of his chest.

Guren, meanwhile, looks pleased and worried all at once, like he isn't entirely sure what Shinya's going to do, what his reaction will be.

Shinya isn't sure, either, to be honest. He opens his mouth to say something, but there are just no words; his brain seems to have short-circuited in the aftermath of the kiss (and gods have mercy, _that kiss_ ).

Guren, after a moment of waiting for Shinya to respond, leans forward and presses a shorter, gentler kiss against his mouth before once again pulling back. "Say something," he whispers, gorgeous purple eyes now uncertain. "Shinya...please."

Shinya, still struggling to process this sudden upheaval of...of _everything_ , blurts out the first thing that springs to mind. "You're _sure_ you haven't been drinking?"

Guren bursts out laughing, the sound of it so sudden that it startles a nearby flock of sparrows, who take flight while chirping indignantly at the disturbance. "No," he says, still chuckling as he speaks. "No, I haven't been drinking. I am totally and completely sober," he promises.

Shinya just looks at him, dazed and lost. "Then why did you kiss me?" he asks, and his voice sounds very small even to his own ears.

Guren scowls at him. "What do you mean, why did I kiss you? I kissed you because I wanted to!"

"But... _why_?" Shinya just doesn't understand it. "Why... _me_?" He's broken. He knows this. There are plenty of other people better suited for Guren, plenty of other people who aren't as damaged as Shinya. No one these days is _totally_ whole, but very few are as mentally and emotionally scarred as Shinya is, and he is very much aware of that fact.

There are much better choices available to Guren...so why is he here, with Shinya?

Why did Guren kiss him?

"Because you're you," is Guren's simple answer, and it's clear from the look on his face that he's being completely honest. "Because ever since we met, you've always been there for me. Even when we didn't agree, even when we didn't totally trust each other...even when it endangered your own life, you were there for me. Even in my worst moments," he continues, expression serious, "I can keep going on because I know that I have you. You're...important to me, Shinya. More important than anyone else." A flush creeps up his cheeks and he swallows hard. "You're _the_ most important person in my life."

Shinya just stares at him, at this stupid, handsome, gorgeous man who always does stupid things that Shinya can't wrap his mind around. He had wondered what Guren had been planning with this impromptu picnic date (and in hindsight, Shinya could now very clearly see that it _was_ a date, or at least as close as you were likely to get in a post-apocalyptic world), but he had never, in his wildest imaginings, considered _this_.

"Also," Guren is saying now, "I wanted to kiss you because I didn't have a chance to finish doing it on Christmas Eve."

Shinya makes a strangled choking noise that's a bit reminiscent of a cat with a hairball. "You...you said you didn't remember Christmas Eve!" he says and it comes out a bit more accusatory than he intended.

Guren gives a little smile that's equal parts sad and embarrassed. "I didn't remember," he replies. "At least...not right away. But it kept nagging at me, that feeling that I'd forgotten something important, so I kept after myself to try and remember. Finally," he goes on, "bits and pieces started coming back. I finally pieced all of it together about a month ago, and that's when I decided to plan _this_." He gestures to the park around them and picnic basket. "I wanted to...I don't know. Make it up to you? Give you a good day? Prove that it wasn't just because I was drunk?" He shrugs, cheeks pink. "I just...I want to make you happy, Shinya. I want you to smile. To _really_ smile," he adds, reaching a hand up to brush his fingertips across Shinya's tingling lips. "You're beautiful when you smile for real," he finishes in a whisper, his voice so soft that Shinya can barely hear it even as close together as they are right now.

Shinya can't decide if he wants to laugh or cry, and decides to take a third option instead.

He leans forward and captures Guren's lips with his own, kissing him with enough warmth and intensity to signal his own feelings loud and clear.

This time when they break apart, it's Guren who's looking a little bit dazed, and he gives Shinya the dopiest grin he's ever seen.

"You kissed me back," Guren says, sounding smug and surprised at the same time.

"You're an idiot," Shinya informs him with a smile. "Of course I'm going to kiss you back, I love you."

Guren gives a startled but happy laugh at his confession and pulls Shinya close. "I love you, too," he replies, pressing another kiss to Shinya's lips before pulling back to look him in the eyes. "Happy birthday, Shinya."

"My birthday isn't until tomorrow," Shinya points out teasingly, his heart soaring from Guren's words.

"Oh, shut up," Guren grumbles good-naturedly. "I know that. You know that I know that. I'm just making a point."

"And what point is that?" Shinya asks, smiling for real and unable to stop.

"That you're not alone anymore," Guren says, and kisses him again. And again, and again, and again, until Shinya decides that maybe he doesn't hate his birthday so much after all.


End file.
